Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live. ~Oscar Wilde

There are times when I just want to swear. And I don't mean the little pansy ones like ass, or shit. I mean I want to pull out the big guns and drop the "F" word in rapid succession and as much as possible. I know this seems incredibly unchristian of me and makes me sound like a foul mouthed rotten person. But, today I am having one of those days. The source of this angst? Two days into her repentance and desire to just be normal again, Jessica has screwed her family over one more time. Can't say that I am surprised, can't say I didn't suggest to my mother that this would happen. But also can't say that a small part of me wasn't hoping that she had finally wised up and that she was serious. Also, can't say that I'm not absolutely livid with her for once again choosing the asshole over those who love her. But, you're missing details.... Sunday, Jess called my mom and cried and sobbed that the asshole had hit her and called her horrible names, and that the relationship was over. She said she wanted to come home and for her life to be normal again. So, Sarah went and picked her up making her promise that it was over and that she would have nothing to do with him again. She made an appointment with the state police so that Jessica could press charges for the most recent round of abuse. Monday morning she appeared in court to obtain a restraining order. Monday afternoon, she didn't want to present the order to marshals for service. She said she'd been coerced into filing for it and that she didn't want to get him in trouble because he loved her and she loved him. Today, probably before the restraining order had been served, she broke it. I don't really know this for a fact, but she made some calls, got through to some of his friends and at this moment is at one of his friend's houses. I am so ANGRY I don't even know where to begin. Here I was trying to muster up forgiveness only to have her spit in my face once again. I love the wit and wisdom of Oscar Wilde and the quote that heads this entry is so fitting to this situation. But the truth of the matter is that all I really want to do is swear. Repeatedly. Severely.