Needs vs. Wants

Remember hearing that one as a kid? "You don't need that, you just want it..." The statement was usually followed by a "No" and sometimes the detailed reason why you were not getting what you wanted. I remember thinking that, one day, I'd be a grown up and I'd be able to get myself whatever I wanted as well as what I needed. Oddly enough... That sentiment has turned out to be both true and false for me! Lately, I've had a lot of needs and wants that have blurred a little and haven't been as clearly defined as needing groceries, wanting lobster and Lucky Charms! For example: I both need and want a Full time teaching position. I'm doing OK with the Part time position that I have, but things would be so much better on all levels (including job security and certifications - this isn't just financial) if I could land those extra three hours a week. Sadly, there's not much I can do about this one at the moment, except sit tight and keep doing what I'm doing. I want and need some time off. The end of the school year is always tedious and tough. I'd like to crawl off into a cave somewhere (more like a spa/resort along the coast) and hide for several weeks. Sadly, thanks to want/need #1, I can't afford to do this. I am however planning the next best thing. Next Thursday, Elisabeth and I will be taking off to the Simple Indulgence Day Spa in Sturbridge, MA. We'll be indulging in the Rejuvenation package. I'm very much looking forward to my massage, manicure and pedicure! I both need and want a man in my life! This one becomes a little tricky.... At first it appears to be a mere want. After all, I am fairly self-sufficient financially. I can cook and clean for myself (although at times I opt to do neither). And most of the time, I prefer my peace and quiet. Most people would tell you that I am strong and independent and therefore, don't NEED a man in my life. In these instances it is a true statement. On this level, my current desire to have a man in my life is merely a want. This want blurs into a need on nights like tonight. Those of you who keep up with this blog will know what I'm talking about when I say that my life has been rather complicated and chaotic lately. Tonight, I needed a shoulder to cry on... I needed someone to be home to listen to my frustrations and tell me that it was going to be OK. I needed someone to be looking out for ME! Tonight, I need a strong man who will make me feel safe, when my defenses are already weakened by the stress of the week and I am afraid to be on my own. Tonight, while I am feeling sad and vulnerable, I need a normal, healthy adult relationship with someone who will keep me safe and shelter me from my occasional storms. I need someone who will take the time to listen to and hear me and my concerns. I need someone who will let me be me, and let me be irrational, knowing that in the end I will do the right thing, but that it helps to vent the awful possibilities sometimes. I need a pillar, a rock.... someone to be a steady place I can hang onto when things get a little tough to deal with. I need this in a physical sense (I know that God promises to be this for those who believe in Him, but tonight, I need a tangible.) This scares me..... Because truthfully, it's not something, that even as a grown up, I can do for myself.... I can work extra jobs, I can book time at the spa, I can escape from the day in the pages of a book or the scenes of a movie, I can talk to friends and I can vent on my Blog... BUT I can't fulfil my last need on my own. And to be waiting for it to come along is a scary place to be, no matter how comfortable to waiting arena.