The Things We Do For Love....

Thursday marked week 5 since Jeremy passed. I'm sure some of you are tired of hearing me mark time this way. On some level, it irritates me that Jeremy's passing has been my frame of reference for time. Everything is timed based on August 16th. When someone asks me if I remember something, I usually ask when it happened in relation to that day. These 5 weeks have been difficult. But most of my family seems to agree that this was the worst week yet. I think the shock of Jeremy's passing has worn off. The arrangements have been cared for, the thank you notes have been written, we've cleaned out his room. Most people have stopped asking how we're doing, and seem to be moving on with their lives as they are expected to do. The adrenaline of a to-do list is disappearing and the knowledge that Jeremy is gone is setting in. I'm hoping that this is a turning point, that from here we start to develop our new normal. That we will now be able to adjust and begin to feel OK again.

One of the things Jeremy talked about doing a lot was getting a tattoo. He had talked with one of our brothers about designing it, and at the very least had a picture in his mind of what he wanted. Several days after his passing I was thinking about that tattoo. I had been thinking about getting one myself, but kept talking myself out of it because I couldn't come up with something that would be meaningful. Jeremy had wanted a Celtic cross with vines of ivy wrapping around it. In all of the cleaning we did, I was never able to find his design. So, I started doing some research. I looked up pictures of tattoos other people had, and of Celtic crosses in general. Then I consulted a local tattoo artist who several of my friends know. To make a long story short... Pete, designed a tattoo for me that I think is a good balance of me and Jeremy. On Friday, I had it done... Pictures below

Yes, that really is my fat back....

Early on in the process. Look, the outline us almost done!

Pete, my tattoo artist! No, he's not as crazy as he looks!

OUCH!!!! But, looking good....

This is the final product... The redness should fade! I think it's pretty....

Joy amidst the sadness......

Three weeks ago Thursday my brother, Jeremy, passed away. I have been on an emotional rollercoaster for the last few weeks. Most of the time, I can't put into words what I have been feeling. When I find words, they seem to be all wrong. Today, however, I have had two significant experiences about which I feel what can best be described as joy! First, it is almost 10:00pm and I have made it through today without having an emotional breakdown. For the first time since Jeremy's passing, I have not broken down into tears. While the grief is still everpresent, today, I was able to cope. Second, I got the news this morning that I passed my BEST portfolio. Those of you who have been following will recall that this subject was very stressful to me last year. In the midst of personal drama (the situation with my sister, Jessica) I was busy completing this major requirement for my teaching certification. I cannot tell you how elated I am to be done with it and to have passed.