A Relief... and yet Not Entirely....

Hampton man charged in assault THOMPSON -- A Hampton man was arrested on a charge of first-degree sexual assault Friday as a result of an incident involving a mentally-handicapped man who had been placed in his custody. Michael C. Gardner, 21, of 83 East Old Route 6, was arrested on a warrant issued by the Danielson Superior Court, culminating a 17-month investigation, Thompson Resident Trooper John Aiello said. The victim in the case, who was 23 at the time, had been placed in Gardner's care by the Massachusetts Department of Mental Retardation, police said. Police said the victim told them the alleged crimes occurred in Thompson and Putnam. Gardner was presented in Danielson Superior Court Friday, where his case was continued.

# 2

So, I've been entirely selfish and using my blog as therapy. As if those of you who read it need to be burdened with all of my problems. I know that for the most part you don't mind, but it seems as though I've allowed a negative situation overtake my life! So, that being said, the funniest thing happened at school this week. I was in the middle of teaching a class, going over notes on Julius Caesar. One of my students, who is seriously lacking in social skills, got out of his chair, walked up to me stood inches from my face and said, "Miss D, I have to number two!" Not completely sure how to deal with this I looked at him and replied "Go back to your seat and try that one again." How is it that a kid can get to the 10th grade and have no concept of personal space or the appropriate way to request permission to leave class and use the restroom? While I laughed about this afterward, I'm also perplexed as to his complete lack of sense!

Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live. ~Oscar Wilde

There are times when I just want to swear. And I don't mean the little pansy ones like ass, or shit. I mean I want to pull out the big guns and drop the "F" word in rapid succession and as much as possible. I know this seems incredibly unchristian of me and makes me sound like a foul mouthed rotten person. But, today I am having one of those days. The source of this angst? Two days into her repentance and desire to just be normal again, Jessica has screwed her family over one more time. Can't say that I am surprised, can't say I didn't suggest to my mother that this would happen. But also can't say that a small part of me wasn't hoping that she had finally wised up and that she was serious. Also, can't say that I'm not absolutely livid with her for once again choosing the asshole over those who love her. But, you're missing details.... Sunday, Jess called my mom and cried and sobbed that the asshole had hit her and called her horrible names, and that the relationship was over. She said she wanted to come home and for her life to be normal again. So, Sarah went and picked her up making her promise that it was over and that she would have nothing to do with him again. She made an appointment with the state police so that Jessica could press charges for the most recent round of abuse. Monday morning she appeared in court to obtain a restraining order. Monday afternoon, she didn't want to present the order to marshals for service. She said she'd been coerced into filing for it and that she didn't want to get him in trouble because he loved her and she loved him. Today, probably before the restraining order had been served, she broke it. I don't really know this for a fact, but she made some calls, got through to some of his friends and at this moment is at one of his friend's houses. I am so ANGRY I don't even know where to begin. Here I was trying to muster up forgiveness only to have her spit in my face once again. I love the wit and wisdom of Oscar Wilde and the quote that heads this entry is so fitting to this situation. But the truth of the matter is that all I really want to do is swear. Repeatedly. Severely.

Still Standing

So, Elisabeth asked me today... "Are you still yawning?" I hadn't realized how much time had gone by since my last post. I still don't have much to write. Lately, I've been thinking a lot about the idea of forgiveness. With this whole situation with Jessica, my family has been run through the mill. I feel as though I have been run over by a train repeatedly. I find that most of the time I am exhausted and no matter how much I sleep, it's never enough. Jess has finally come around. She moved back to my parents' house today. I'm having mixed emotions. While I am glad she's out of the situation, I am still relating to the Dixie Chicks' most recent song: NOT READY TO MAKE NICE Words & Music by Emily Robison, Martie Maguire, Natalie Maines, Dan Wilson Forgive, sounds good Forget, I'm not sure I could They say time heals everything But I'm still waiting I'm through with doubt There's nothing left for me to figure out I've paid a price And I'll keep paying I'm not ready to make nice I'm not ready to back down I'm still mad as hell and I don't have time to go round and round and round It's too late to make it right I probably wouldn't if I could 'Cause I'm mad as hell Can't bring myself to do what it is you think I should I know I'll get there, but the hurt is still too fresh. I've been called every name in the book and have had to endure the humiliation of letting the state police, our two school officers and all three of my school administrators into what should have been my private life because the idiot boyfriend threatened to hurt me. It totally sucks when the arbitrary decisions of others can effect you so much.